South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He did a backflip because drugs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
