He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
