I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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