I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
