8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
