I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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