How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
