Kareoke will never be a sober sport
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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