My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
