you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize