Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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