Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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