can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
