just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
