He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
