The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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