Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
