You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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