Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
