he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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