i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
