Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
