dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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