you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
