oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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