I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
