You can't special order awesome
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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