Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
