So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
