I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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