Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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