I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
operation have a gay friend backfired
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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