i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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