You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
