Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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