I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
