Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
