yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
