Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
