She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
