it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
