I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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