my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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