wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
