This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
