scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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