Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
