i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize