Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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