I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
