Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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