I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
