If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
...so i touched it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
