dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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