I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize