i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
