just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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