There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
