Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
