mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
