A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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