You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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