everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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