she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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