let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
my liver is dry heaving
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
