I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
