i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
