5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
