I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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