she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
