What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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