I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
